On May 21st 2011 Chris and I got married we got married in South Lake Tahoe. This wedding was a bit rushed to say the least, I was almost 20 years old and Chris was 22. I was pregnant with our first son Axel. My family put this wedding together in less than a couple of months, it was so special to us because it was simple, nothing spectacular. It also was absolutely beautiful, the views, the house we stayed at. It was a weekend of so much fun and memories we still laugh about today.Chris and I were an absolute mess emotionally at this time in our relationship, I think the only thing we knew for sure was that we loved each other. After a few months of marriage, life got really serious. I had our son Axel, we were so happy yet so stressed. We moved around for awhile and didn’t have a lot of money to support our family. I worked full time and Chris was starting EMT school. It was a fight every single day. Chris would be gone all day and I would work until 10 or 11 at night. We didn’t communicate or even try to fix our relationship. One day, I left. I took Axel and I left. I will never forget the sadness I felt leaving that day, I ignored that feeling and just figured I’d be happier if Chris and I were apart. I think the worst advice I ever received was someone that said “well you can’t just leave” that was like my fuel for leaving, I said “watch me.” I started the divorce process on my own, I would go to the court house every Tuesday for about a month. I did all of my own divorce paperwork with the help of the people that worked there. They were seriously the nicest people you could ever ask for. I’ll never forget when I finally finished every document, the woman told me “wow you really did all this on your own.” I knew at that point I could do anything on my own. Chris and I sorted out a schedule for Axel and had our custody battle. It wasn’t pretty, most of the time one of us walked out crying. After the legal stuff was over, we started co parenting. We did really well, we never had issues between us for the most part. I worked full time, had my own apartment and would send Axel to day care, or my mom would watch him. I lived a new life that I was so proud of. I did things on my own for a long time. Chris was going to the fire academy at this point so financially I was staying afloat on my own. I didn’t resent him for the things he was trying to do. I knew he was trying to create a better life for Axel. Life went on for a few years like this, it was really challenging sometimes. Chris started to ask if we could get coffee or lunch when we would switch Axel back and fourth, we started to create this new bond. It was like we were starting over. This went on for a few years, once we realized we really missed each other it hit both of us. We were never supposed to be separated or divorced. Life had hit us with another opportunity, so we gave us another chance. Chris started his job with Cal Fire in 2014. Chris and I moved back in together in late 2014. We got a dog, a house. Little did we know life was just beginning. We were a little older, trying to figure life out together. We argued often but communicated more, we both worked full time and then obviously had Axel still. We made a move to Clovis CA when Chris got his permanent job in 2018. When we moved here we were probably the happiest we have ever been in our entire relationship. I think for me at that point, I felt like we had made it, we had gone to hell snd back to get here and we made it. In 2018 we got remarried. It was the funniest experience getting married at a court house. We still laugh about it today. I always remind myself of the promise I made to God before moving back in together in 2014. I said “I will never ever give up on my family again, just give me one more chance” I stand by that promise today, God has given me gift after gift. I’ve had plenty of chances to give up again, but I won’t. Marriage can sometimes be really difficult and although it sounds easy to walk away, well actually…that’s the only easy part. The “walking away part” everything else comes with tears, hurt and disappointment. If I could give any advice to someone thinking about divorcing for reasons that can be fixed, don’t do it. Don’t give up on your family so soon. It’s ok to take a break and not know what the hell you are doing. Just don’t give up.

Axel is almost 10 years old now, he doesn’t know much about what happened in his baby days, we do know there may be questions in the future that we will have to answer. We are ok with that, it’s ok to not be perfect and have it all together.